Put the SOCIAL back into social network

Today's happy accident is brought to you by...my birthday; And social media. Social networks these days are a funny mix of political posts and food videos.  Maybe they should be renamed "opinion networks."

First, I want to share some definitions that I found for the word "social":
relating to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations:
seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable;
living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than  in isolation:
The last one I really like. People need other people! While many of us feel anti-social at times, we really do need other people to be part of our lives, to at least a small degree.

I had a birthday last week. I'm not ashamed to tell you that I celebrated the completion of my 46th trip around the sun. (sounds kind of impressive, right?) I also share a birthday with my youngest child, a boy. He turned 12.This child of mine does not yet belong to any "opinion networks". He has an email account. He's 12. He doesn't even NEED email but it keeps him in touch with some long distance friends.  Which brings me to my point.  Social networks are supposed to be social!

Because of my said birthday, I was the recipient of many thoughtful birthday wishes. Now, some people don't like to post their birthday on social media, and they don't like receiving the "obligatory" "Happy Birthday" from people that maybe wouldn't ordinarily go out of their way to give a birthday wish. I am not one of those people.  While I don't always give a birthday shout out to someone when I am "reminded", I loved reading the posts from friends who took time out of their day to type out a little birthday wish to me.  It might seem like no big deal, but they really did think about me! They saw that it was my birthday, made a choice to click on my name, continued with that choice and wrote "Happy Birthday, Gina!" or some other variation on that theme.  And it really means a lot! Really. I wanted to reply to each one, so I took some time to do that.  And I wanted each reply to be special too--not a cut and paste job.  And here is when the magic happened.  As I replied, my friends started to reply back. And we were, get this, social! We exchanged niceties and I felt connected to them. Some of these people I have not seen for well over 15 years. It took me a couple of hours to get all of the replies done, but as a new comment would come in I would smile and enjoy a few more minutes with that person. Over the years, social media has been hijacked into political messages, political correctness, business promoting and cat videos. I believe that social media has a great power to bring people together and even to keep them connected, if that power is used for that purpose. Something I learned on accident, because I chose to be social on purpose.

I invite you to take a few minutes today and be social on your social media. Interact with someone. Write them a hello, or wish someone a happy birthday.  It'll bring a smile to you and your network.

Me and the birthday boy trying this selfie thing. 

It's the response that counts

What kind of trials do you experience? Maybe it's an unhealthy habit that plagues you. Perhaps someone you know is dealing with an addiction and it's poisoning your relationship. Maybe it's unemployment or underemployment.  You might be dealing with chronically ill children or aging parents.  Maybe a loved one has hurt you deeply, or you are having a faith crisis, or you are moving  Maybe you face depression.  Maybe it's a trial of how to get your business going, and keep it going.  Maybe your hard trial for today is getting the laundry and dishes done, or making sure that all of the people that live in your house are fed, clothed and safely back in bed at the end of the day.

Whatever we face, whatever our challenge is, it's not really the challenge, or "the trial" that's the issue.  IT'S HOW WE RESPOND to the trial.  Do we meet each hurdle and obstacle with frustration, anger and resentment? Or, do we embrace it as an opportunity to learn, grow and an acknowledgement that we have been entrusted with the responsibility to see ourselves through to the other side of this hurdle?

Getting through these trial usually requires some sort of plan, right? How will I get that laundry done? When will I make dinner? How can I show my loved one that I care for them? How can I loose excess weight or tone and strengthen muscles?

If we respond to these trials with the attitude that we are stronger than we think, and that we can overcome; if we stay on "THE PLAN", there will come a day that we become what we are striving to become, and accomplish.  We are meant to have JOY in our lives.  There is a scripture I love that says "If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God...that your soul may be joyful." Focusing on joy brings peace into our lives. Focus on Joy.  It's the response that counts!

I learned this on accident, because I want to be joyful on purpose!

No Less Seviceable

Do you find yourself comparing your actions to those of others? Do you feel that your day to day, run of the mill tasks just don't measure up to those of Fred and Sally that live on the other side of the fence? (Or the other side of social media?)

During a church lesson recently I learned that even my daily events like dishes, cleaning, teaching my children right and wrong and supporting my husband do not make me any less serviceable than the actions of those people that, on a daily basis, enforce laws, help the sick, or make million dollar deals.  Our tasks are different.  Our responsibilities in this world are not comparable, but the effect we can have on the world is the same...positive.

A wise man once said, "Not all of us are going to be...catching the acclaim of our colleagues all day every day.  Most of us will be quiet, relatively unknown folks who come and go and do our work without fanfare.  To those of you who may find that (thought) lonely or frightening or just spectacular, I say, you are "no less serviceable" than the most spectacular of your associates.  You, too, are part of God's army." --Howard W. Hunter


No less serviceable.  Something I learned on accident, because I went to church on purpose.

Don't "should" on yourself

I don't feel much like writing today.  No particular reason; the house is quiet, I have had several hours to myself to mostly think. I believe that is where the problem is coming from. I am beginning to feel like I am wasting time, yet there are things that I "should" be doing--
making my bed
fixing dinner for my boys
looking at homes to buy in our new state
reading scriptures
cleaning my bathroom
washing the dishes
writing to my daughter
planning an imaginary trip to the beach

I find writing to be therapeutic.  It helps me to put things into perspective.  All of this "should be" reminds me of a conversation that I had with a friend therapist a few months ago. She works with adults working through Aspergers and/or other social disabilities.  She told me that she often tells them "don't should on yourself." (and, yes...it sounds an awful lot like another bad word) When we tell ourselves that we "should" do something, that thing then becomes a burden. When we pile up a whole bunch of those "shoulds" we end up with a big case of overwhelm and feeling less than we ought.
Instead, my friend, counsels these fine young adults to make a list of what they COULD do. Then they see how many choices they have. That, my friends, is power in action. Power to choose, to be free, to become!

So today, I had lots of possibilities of ways to spend my time. (see my list above.) Instead of any of those, I chose to watch a youtube video, play scramble with friends, read a magazine article and listen to music. Also, I went on a 5 mile run earlier in the day, and that felt really amazing!

I prefer to turn my "shoulds" into "coulds." It helps me to see how much control I really do have over my life. 

So, write a list of things you COULD do today. Then, don't "should" on yourself. Take ownership of every choice you make and see if your day is a little more happy and joyful.  Because you made the choice!

I learned this on accident, because I wrote this blog post on purpose!  : )

Mental toughness, baby!

What is the hardest thing you have ever done? I could list so may things that I have NOT gone through; cancer, death of a loved one, abuse of any kind. 
I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and friend. As I fulfill these many roles, I often feel bogged down by all of the things I have to do, don't have time for, and never get done. After awhile, all of these demands begin to cause me to feel weak; that I cannot accomplish much, that I must be a failure. 
These, of course, are lies. However it took running generally, and half marathon training specifically, to help me realize that I am stronger than I thought. 
I have never considered myself an athlete. Running? I NEVER considered myself a runner. But I was persistent, consistent, and followed the plan. Half marathon training is challenging. The workouts range from 3 miles, to upwards of 12 or 13, depending on the plan. I would look at the long run for the coming week and think, "Seven miles?! How am I going to run seven miles?"  Then the next week.  "NINE?!?" This went on for over 12 weeks. Each week, I finished the assigned run. Some took longer than others. Each time I ran a new "longest distance ever," I felt wiped out for the rest of the day. Physically exhausted. After awhile, the long run was eleven miles, and a weekday run was six.  Suddenly, six miles seemed like no big deal. "Six miles? I can do that, no problem. "
All of these runs were changing me mentally and emotionally. I was realizing that things that used to be perceived has hard were becoming way more manageable. 
The end of my training cycle, I ran 13.1 miles on a beautiful spring day in May; Mothers Day weekend. I finished with my husband and kids around me. And I realized...I'm stronger than I thought  was. 
All of the little day to day tasks that used to get me down were now insignificant in the light that I had just run, and finished, a Half Marathon! It didn't matter how fast or how slow I was. I finished the distance, something that I thought just two years before, would be unheard of for me; if not impossible. 
I am mentally tougher than I thought. 
A lesson that I learned on accident, because I am a runner on purpose. 

Goal vs. intention

Are you a goal setter? You know, one of those people who make New Years resolutions, maybe not with the intention to break it, but with big, big plans to do huge, amazing things. "I'm going to loose 25 pounds before Valentine's Day!" " I'm going to send birthday cards to all of my extended family." "I'm going to exercise six days a week ." 
--a year without sugar
--a year without carbs
--catching up on scrap booking
--organize those photos,
--plan the menus for the entire month. 

I am not one of these people. 
Goal setting; not really my thing. I think maybe I'm afraid of commitment. Or maybe I'm afraid of letting myself down, or someone else, or both!

Running opened me up to a whole new world of goal setting. It started with my desire to run a half marathon, which came from training for a 10K, which came from running a few 5Ks in order to get back not shape. 
I never had a "goal" to run a half marathon. Well, not much before I decided to run it. 
During training runs I would occasionally listen to a podcast. One specifically talked about goal setting. I almost didn't listen to it; two women talking about running and goals and how they are a good thing? Yea, right. 
Well, as they talked in my ears, they said how setting a goal is a good thing. It gives us something to work towards. The goal can be simple, "smile more today...run to the next mailbox...give someone a compliment". I also learned that adjusting the goal is totally acceptable. For example--
When
--Goal A is to run 5 miles. BUT, you didn't sleep much the night before and you feel really, really tired.
--Goal B is to run 3 miles because that's the usual minimum. However, legs feel like led and your head is swimming with all of the "have to's" waiting for you later.
--Goal C is to run to the next mailbox and then just go home because sleep didn't happen and nice mommy needs to exist.

Recently, I learned a new word in relation to goal setting: intention. Setting an intention seems much nicer to me. I intend to do many things, but I am less hard on myself when I do not fully accomplish what I set out to do. This does not mean that I accept failure or quitting, it simply means that I intend to do things, and they will get done.  Sort of a softer deadline or feeling. I like it.

Overall, I now know that setting a goal is good, achieving it is better. Adjusting the goal is totally acceptable.
--the goal can be something as simple as, "smile more today."

This, I learned on accident because I listened to a podcast on purpose.

I am stronger than I thought

I began running at the age of 40.  I felt inspired by two things. 1-A reality tv show about weight loss and 2-A friend of mine who is an avid runner.

In my faith, we practice something called “The Word of Wisdom.”  It is a health code that I agree to abide by: no tobacco, no alcohol use, no recreational drug use, plenty of fruits and veggies and grains, limited amounts of meat.  (I have no problem from abstaining from drugs and alcohol. Limiting meat is a problem sometimes.  :/  )  After giving birth to six children in 13 years my body was starting to feel the effects.  Tired all of the time, feeling heavy, low motivation, low-just-about-everything else.  But in watching the tv show—full of AVERAGE people that needed to lose weight, I began to feel like “If they can do it, I can do it.”  After all, they were A LOT heavier than I was.  So, I started to exercise.  30 minutes a day, three days a week.  THAT. WAS. IT.  I knew that I could work hard, but for a limited amount of time.  I gave myself 30 minutes and when that time was complete, I was DONE.  No, “just one more time” from me.

 I enjoyed keeping in touch with my long distance friend who was developing herself into a very talented endurance, long distance runner-- Marathons, baby!! Something clicked in my brain and I started to think, “If she can do that, so can I.”  Now, this is where I need to explain something.  My friend is about 5’4” and probably weighs 120 lbs. (If even) I am over 5’9” and, at the time, weighed over 190 lbs.  Running did not come naturally to me.  But, due to not wanting to pay for a gym membership, I decided to use what was available to me…the road outside my front door.  So I started “running.”  It probably didn’t look much like running then.  My part of the neighborhood looked a bit like a capital A, the bottom parts of the letter are culdesacs.  I lived on the street in the middle of the A.  So, when I crossed the street, I could run around the “block”, if you will, and come right back to my house.  My neighborhood was also hilly, so, in order to get the the “point” of the A, it is uphill slightly.  I would walk the uphills, and run the flat parts.  I would do that 4-6 times during a workout, 1-2 days a week.  (Did I even mention that my footwear at the time was a knock-off brand of “Crocs?”)

I kept up this cycle of following along with exercise videos (that I happily checked out from the library,) and “running,” for several months.  I began to notice changes in my body and changes in my attitude.  I decided that I could run a 5K (that’s 3.1 miles if you are not yet a runner.)  And, when you are not a runner, 3.1 miles seems like A REALLY LONG WAY TO RUN.  I practiced by running for 60 seconds, then walking for 90 seconds for a total of about 25 minutes.  (Remember, I was willing to work out for 30 minutes total.)  All of this training started in January and I quickly thought that I was ready to run my first “real” 5K.  I signed up for one of those races where they throw powdered color on you every 1K. Race day came and I was excited! By the end of the course, I was a very colorful mess and I felt very accomplished that I had covered the full distance.  After that initial 5K, I decided that I wanted to do another one, so I trained a bit harder.  Soon, I noticed that my workouts were lasting 40-50 minutes…and I liked it!

Training for 5K’s got me wondering…”could I do a 10K?”  (6.2 miles)  During the summer of 2013 I kept up with my running, covering about 3 miles each run, 2-3 days a week.  Then I found a program to help me with covering a longer distance.  During the training for the 10K, I started wondering if I could handle a half marathon. (13.1 miles)  It felt satisfying to train for longer distances and for each workout, whether it was a run or a DVD workout.  It felt rewarding to run farther and longer than I ever thought I could.  Each time I exercised I felt satisfied and energized.  I knew that I was doing hard things—physically and mentally—and I liked it!  One day I noticed ab muscles that I didn’t know I had.  Another day I noticed bicep muscles that actually had definition.  And one afternoon, I decided that it really was time for me to tackle the distance of a half marathon.  I loved knowing that I could do hard things. And I realized—I am stronger than I ever thought.  Stronger in my body because muscles were being toned and tightened.  I could run farther and longer and each new “longest ever distance” was amazing to me.  I was stronger in my mind as I realized that most of the difficulties of doing new things came from my own negative thoughts.  “It’s too hard!” … “I can’t run that far or that fast!”... “My body doesn’t look like that.”…  These negative thoughts can keep us from accomplishing amazing things.  Realize that you are stronger than all of that, and adopt this mantra that I picked up; “Don’t think, just go.” That’s it.  Don’t think too much about it…whatever it is.   You’ll talk yourself out of it.  Don’t think.   Just go! I'm stronger than I thought (and so are you). Something I learned on accident, because I exercised on purpose.